hunger & hopelessness.

"Hope fuels the mind with energy and a desire to hold on. But once all hope is lost, the mind is deceased and the body will follow"
-Anonymous

Not a crumb is wasted, nor a drop of water spilt. Grimy fingers scrabble at stale bread on the dirty concrete, moving from ground to mouth in a flash. Wide eyes search the floor for a stray speck of crumb or even a small insect, anything to fill the painful hole inside his stomach. But there is nothing. The rice is gone, the maize and flour too. The livestock have been eaten and the once swollen river is now a toxic trickle. The barren land has nothing to offer, and it stands by as its people dissipate. Faithless fathers, crying children and mourning mothers, all abandon their humanity as they cease to exist. Gone is the happiness, the laughter and the light that once filled these people. They are empty now, soulless and detached from the world. They are shells of their former selves; poverty ripped all positivity from them and left them with only heartbreaking, gut wrenching sorrow.

He stands alone amongst a flood of despairing people, and the emptiness fills his gut. It's not hunger; he had learned to block that pain. No, this is worse. It's a wave of misery, poisoning his body as the feeling seeps slowly from his stomach. The dread cramps through him and takes a hold of his heart. As it reaches his brain, he feels a change in himself. He slumps to the ground in defeat, stone cold and alone. Empty eyes stare out of his sunken face as they survey the scene around him. Poverty has broken him, and he too has become a shell. He watches chaos, as the all hope inside him dies.

different.

Everything has changed.
I don't want your approval, I don't want your advice.
It's easier to be my own person than to try and be what you want.
So, fuck you and your ideals.
I'd rather die than to give in to you.

birds in the sky

It's a reminder.
When I see it, I reminisce about days in the past.
Days when I still felt alive.
You used to say,
"You will always be free if you can remember who you are."
But you forgot.
It's okay, 'cause one day you'll remember.
And then we can fly again, like birds in the sky.

Strength & Grace

The small ligaments in the hand tighten as her fingers fan out in a fluid movement. Her tendons in her arm are burning as she forces her elbow to lock straight. Her shoulder blades protrude, causing a sting in her socket, but she stays strong. She bends so that her head almost touches her lower back, ignoring the blood rushing to her head and crunch of her vertebrae. Her buttocks clench as she stretches, her whole body screaming in pain and begging for a release. Her thighs burn, her calves are numb but she knows she will feel them when she removes her silk slippers. Her knee pops under the pressure and her ankle is seconds away from collapsing. Her mind races with the thought of the pain that tomorrow hold, but she has to push it from her thoughts.

Ignore it, empty your mind, leave it behind, just concentrate.

She slowly lifts herself from the balls of her feet onto the tips of her toes. They crack ominously and her smallest toe dislocates from her foot. But she cannot hear it, she cannot feel it. All she knows is the music, soft and sweet, drifting her away from her body. Still in the position and on her toes, she begins to lift her leg. She steadies herself, no margin for error. Her legs make a straight, vertical line and she watches her left foot above her to make sure it is still pointed. She holds for one second, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. At last, the music stops and she crumples. The aches swamp her mind, she feels every muscle, tendon and bone. She smiles.


So much strength and stamina goes into looking so graceful and poised.

lessons learned

There is no such thing as love. It is a chemical signal in the brain, designed to encourage us to reproduce. What you feel is purely manufactured by your body to make you behave a certain way and react to different situations. Lust, however, is a real emotion. It can be felt one moment and dissipate the next, just like anger or greed. And when the lust is gone, it is often replaced with regret or remorse, and it causes pain and discomfort. It is lust, not love, which causes heartbreak and sadness.

How do I know this?
I learned the difference between love and lust a long time ago, and I learned it the hard way.

surprise

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